Once upon a time, there was a Bihari boy called Madhav. He fell in love with girl called Riya. Madhav didn’t speak English well. Riya did. Madhav wanted a relationship. Riya didn’t. Riya just wanted friendship. Madhav didn’t. Riya suggested a compromise. She agreed to be his half-girlfriend.
Script for a cheesy C-grade film? I wish. No, this is the latest offering by the pioneer of Indian literary world, Mr. Chetan Bhagat. Mr. Bhagat, I don’t have a problem with you telling half-baked and rehashed cheap stories to people dumber than 5 points on a scale of 1 to Kamaal R Khan. Go ahead and do so as you please, but please for the love of God, stop pitching your books as novels and yourself as an author.
Name the books as “Manoranjak Kathaein” and they will still sell like crazy if not more than before. Or, maybe produce a show on MTV about youth and relationships with bad actors handpicked by you. You will still have a fantastic audience; in fact, you can reach more people than before. You are still meeting your primary objectives: 1) Money and 2) Telling really bad stories to people. Why are you so desperate to write books then?
Because, it is clear you don’t even have the time to write them. I can only imagine you brainstorming before your new novel: Hmm. Boy. Girl. Sex. Obviously. Friends/lovers. Shit happens. More sex. More shit. The End. Maybe, you even have a group of proxy writers who fill up the pages of your novel. With such bad writing, you can never tell.
I am a writer and I find it offensive what you pass for as books and novels. I find it offensive that you continue to publish book after book, rehashing and republishing your first novel with different covers. I find it offensive when I tell people than I am writing a novel and they ask me, “What? Like Chetan Bhagat?” I find it offensive that you think language is a dish best served fragmented and bereft of any structure.
You want to tell a story? Please do. Make a film. Release comic books. Rebrand your books as Champak. But, please don’t give out the illusion to the public that you are a writer! Please stop reducing the attention span of a billion people by means of your books. You are making them dumber and you know it.
You have enough money, go hang out on a beach or something, but stop making the guild of writers come off as a bunch of phonies and sissies. You don’t spend enough time on quality writing, you don’t spend enough effort on scripting a good story, it doesn’t mean all writers don’t. And that is pretty much the message about writers that you are giving out to the public.
If I had the time, I would go on to rant a little more about Bollywood and your associations with it. I just read you were one of the co-writers for Kick. No wonder. But, the two of you are made for each other. Just leave the writers alone please. We still think of writing as an art, and storytelling as a wonder.
I hope I never have to read your books again and more importantly, I hope you never have to read your own books ever again because you might not survive them, you know! Adios.